


How to Destroy a Kitchen 101

by DivergentMage



Series: Fantober 2020 [9]
Category: H.I.V.E. Series - Mark Walden
Genre: Birthdays!, Fantober 2020, Gen, Look i know how to bake, Look they're a disaster team, They tried okay, This time the plot bunny stayed exactly where it was supposed to be, crackish, day nine: baking, eggs were not made to thrown and fire will not be put out with alcohol, please don't follow their example, this is not it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 19:54:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26923195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DivergentMage/pseuds/DivergentMage
Summary: Making a birthday cake is much harder than it sounds.
Relationships: Everyone & Disasters, Laura Brand & Wing Fanchu & Otto Malpense & Shelby Trinity, Shelby Trinity & Franz Argentblum, Wing Fanchu & Otto Malpense
Series: Fantober 2020 [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1949173
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	How to Destroy a Kitchen 101

_ Kaboom. _ Yet another explosion went through the kitchen. It was a good thing that they didn’t pay for this giant kitchen. “Stop blowing up the ovens!” Shelby yelled. “We only have two of them left!” As she said this, she noticed a fire burning out of the corner of her eye. “Scratch that, one.” Shelby sighed in disappointment. 

They were supposed to make a cake for Laura’s birthday, but so far they had already blown up three ovens, a fourth of the kitchen was on fire, another fourth of it had broken utensils piled up in it, and the remaining half was dusted in flour and broken eggs. And that wasn’t even mentioning Wing and Otto’s incompetency and Franz’s tendency to eat the cake batter and mix in various mysterious ingredients. 

“OTTO I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU DON’T STOP THROWING THE FUCKING EGGS I’LL DYE YOUR HAIR PINK!” Shelby shrieked at him. 

Otto smiled at her sheepishly. “Look, Wing started it!”

“I already told you, I didn’t mean to drop the egg on you.” Wing said, although a small smirk was present on his face.

“Justice shall be served!” Otto yelled. Shelby let out a dramatic sigh and turned away from the bickering two. God, they were insufferable. As she turned around, she was greeted with an even more horrifying sight. 

“Drop the flamethrower Franz,” she started. “Very very slo-” Franz dropped the flamethrower. Yet another part of the kitchen burst into flames. Another sigh. “Franz,” she said slowly. “Doesn’t your father make chocolate or something?” 

“Ja, he owns Godiva and-”

“Yes yes,” Shelby waved him off. “So shouldn’t you know how to cook?” she said desperately. 

Franz laughed sheepishly. “Well, I was more taste testing. Are you sure that frosting does not need the cake batter?”

“Of course not Franz,” Otto called from across the room. “It needs flour,” he said. “What do you think the powdery stuff they put in it is?”

“It’s baking powder Otto, it even has the word powder in it,” Wing said.

“You’re all hopeless,” Shelby groaned. “It’s powdered sugar idiots.” A long silence followed. 

“That makes sense,” Wing said reasonably.

“So are you  _ absolutely _ sure it doesn’t need eggs?”

This was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

Laura walked along the hallway to the kitchen. Shelby had told her to meet her there for some reason that morning. As she neared it, she could vaguely hear the sound of yelling and things being thrown. Laura cautiously opened the door and was greeted with a faceful of smoke. She gaped in shock at the scene before her. Everyone froze. They were all looking a bit singed, Otto had egg running down his face, multiple fires were burning where they should not have been, and she was pretty sure Franz was attempting to douse the fires with alcohol. 

Wing was the first to snap out of it. “Happy Birthday!” he said sheepishly, presenting a lopsided cake with neon green and orange frosting. 

“Aw thanks, but you really didn’t have to.”

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I am not sorry at all, I hope you enjoyed this. The prompt for today was baking and I am not quite sure that they did that, but the prompt has been filled. If you do decide to make a cake, do not look at this. This is a cautionary tale. That being said, kudos and comments!


End file.
